‘Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.’
‘What is your sin, my son?’
‘Profligacy, Father. I wasted two hours watching a film.’
‘Tell me about it, my son.’
‘Well, Father, there are several other sinners involved. Colin O’Donoghue, for instance. If overacting is a mortal sin and underacting a venial one, then O’Donoghue committed the latter offence. He stood there stony-faced throughout. Hardly as much as a facial twitch.
‘Ciarán Hinds plays a supporting role of professor-priest (Fr Xavier) whose task is to deliver a series of lectures (on the subject of exorcism) to an audience of mature students in the Vatican. Trouble is, his lectures consist of imparting such gems of information as: ‘there are good angels and there are bad angels’. Now Father, I heard that in infant class. My incredulity stretched to breaking point that a ‘serious’ lecturer delivering a serious talk on a deadly matter such as exorcism could impart such drivel to an audience most of whom already seemed to be experts in the field. Also, my companion in the cinema later remarked that Hinds’ accent (think: sonorous pulpit-speak) was ‘all over the place’. That person was right.’
‘What about Anthony Hopkins, my son?’
‘Ah now, Father. I’d be spoiling the ending if I told you what happened to him. His was a fine performance but suffice to say that I left the cinema thinking that he’s in danger of being typecast. At one stage Fr Lucas (Hopkins) says to his young assistant Michael Kovak (O’Donoghue): ‘in an exorcism you expect to see spinning heads and pea-soup, don’t you?’. Well, Father, that’s exactly what the director (Mikael Hafstrom) gave us. Not spinning heads exactly, but impossible contortions of limbs accompanied by overdone sound effects that consisted largely of creaking noises of twisting bones.
‘That’s another sin I must tell you about, Father – the soundtrack. The music swelled when St Peter’s Basilica loomed on screen, which it did too often, in turn inducing in me a feeling of nausea that a film could be so fawning. I also disliked the deep rumbling sound foretelling whenever anything evil was about to manifest itself. That soundtrack is a real mortaler, Father.’
‘Did you take pleasure in your sin, my son?’
‘No, Father. I failed to engage with any of the characters. The middle bit featuring a possessed young girl (Marta Gastini) wasn’t too bad, but the opening was slow, obvious, and unoriginal. The Italian street scenes were full of stereotypes (angry policemen trying to cope with chaotic traffic, mini-skirted girls on mopeds, etc). As for the ending, I don’t want to give it away, Father. I’m sure you and all the other priests can’t wait to see it.’
‘Are you sorry for your sin, my son?’
‘Yes, Father. Believe me, I’m very sorry for my profligacy.’
‘Very well. For your penance go see the latest Cecilia Ahern film.’
‘Oh no, Father, please – anything but that.'
The Rite (2011)
Mikael Håfström (Director)
Warner Bros. Pictures
Review by Albedo One stalwart Sydney Veneer – and if you want to find out who Sydney Veneer really is go HERE.
Published first online (04/03/11). |
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